MASKING IT UP
Jn 1:19–28
It is actually Monday already, but somehow I couldn't sleep. Something was bothering me, keeping my mind in a state of turmoil, and bothering me with unnecessary thoughts. After a while, I realize that it had been Sunday. Not that I have forgotten it totally. In fact, a few hours ago we, my best friend and I, passed by a church while we were wondering here and there. Guilty that I am, I didn't even bother to invite him to attend the Mass as I was to preoccupied with wasting my time roaming around the mall. So, maybe my sub-conscious mind is telling to make up for that loss I have to wake up and read the Sunday's Gospel. Though I Know it does not work that way. I have missed the Mass, and that's it. No more self-justification.
And this is exactly what the Gospel wanted to say, at least for me: No more pretension. It's telling me that I don't have to pretend that I am writing this reflection to show people that I am God-fearing and 'holy' just because I had been a seminarian before.
No.
It is asking me, why? Why are you writing this? What is your reason?
My answer is, the one that really comes first out of my mind is a concrete 'I don't know.'
Then, second and third reasons are: to share and to write.
Nothing else. Others that are pouring out right now are all sugar-coated self-justifications. All of those are lies.
I am as ordinary as anyone else; struggling with my faith, hoping that with this I can save still what is left.
I know, it's not only me nor John had this struggle deep down in our minds and hearts. Every one of us is experiencing this, and just like John, we should stop pretending. Stop wearing that mask and show to world who you are: an empty vessel ready to filled with God's Spirit. Because that is what we should really be.
I promise you, being who you are is refreshing. I am quite refreshed right now and ready to sleep.
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